When your love and values guide you from dating to marriage

So here is a couple  I particularly cherish as the beautiful bride that you see is more than a friend to me, she became a sister. I was honoured to be one her bridesmaids and her wedding day was filled with nothing but pure love.

Having seen these two evolve from dating to marriage, I couldn’t help but ask them to be featured on my blog. Not only did they agree but they are also sharing with you pictures of the most beautiful day of their lives so far.

When I look at them I see two best friends, I see partners, people deeply in love and always striving to be the best version of themselves, together. I could keep on going but I think it’s time to let them speak for themselves.

Let’s dive into their interview!

Photo credit : Victor Tangermann  / MUA : MakeupbyNV

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 #How did you first meet ?We first met through mutual friends.

#What did you first think about him/her before getting to know him/her ?

HER : The first time I saw him, he was very well dressed. He looked like a model, he was definitely good looking but I gave him no attention. Why? Well, at the time, I was a student-athlete and played University basketball. I was always in sports gear , I didn’t care about my looks and I certainly did not wear any makeup. I wore sweat pants, sneakers and hooddies most of the time! ( btw I still do…LOL!) Why would he be interested in me I thought to myself?

Through different gatherings of friends, conversations, exchanges and debates, I got to discover an intelligent, open-minded , spiritual, kind, family oriented,  caring, active and funny man! The model tag I had given him disappeared. I must admit that I put him in the wrong category! The more I knew about him, the more I realized how much we had in common (passions and values)

Lesson learned: Never judge a book by its cover.

HIM : When I first met her, I thought she was caught up in her own world. She showed very little interest in getting to know me, when we met through a mutual friend. In the moments that followed our introduction, I found out that we shared the same cultural background.

Years later, I grew to know a women who is considerate, kind, loving, family oriented, spiritual, a basketball enthusiast, and a music lover. This was a far different image from what I had imagined.

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#How would you describe your relationship?

Healthy/ Active:  We played sports all our lives. We feel its important to take care of our bodies. We need to be healthy in order to take care of each other; that includes proper nutrition and exercise 😉 We try to be conscious of what we eat and fuel our body with. For us, being active is a remedy to get rid of the ‘’toxins’’.

Balanced: We balance each other out. She has a lot of energy, loves to laugh, and loves to have fun.  And on the other hand, he is calmer, more serious, and reflective.

Complex: We are two very different people, with sometimes opposing ways of seeing things. There are up’s and downs, conflicts and reconciliations. Sometimes it is not easy living as one but I guess that’s the beauty of love; it endures all.

Collaborative: We are a team. Simple as that. We try and apply this mentality in everything we do.

Spiritual: We read the bible, we pray and we go to church together. Our faith is an important part in both our lives. Life has its challenges however being able to connect with God keeps us grounded and more importantly, it keeps us humble and grateful for what we have.

Fun: We love to have fun! Especially, we love to spend time with our families and friends! Good food, good music and good conversations!

Loving:  Last but not least, Love is the foundation to all. As difficult as it might be at times, love is considerate, love is accepting, love is patient and encompasses all the necessary elements for two people to grow together.

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# What do you love the most about each other?

HER : mmmmm ( so many things to say. I need more time to answer this one lol)

What I love the most about my husband is his way of thinking, his work ethic and his discipline. Also his openness  to others, his loving spirit and his humbleness. He is just great! (Oh he is artistic and I love his cooking too).My husband has a way of making people think differently and making them grow. He is very inspiring and I love the fact that he was able to overcome so many challenges in his life with HARD WORK,  dedication,  discipline, sleepless nights,  faith and spiritual guidance.

We do have deep conversations about life and I think that ability to connect and face ‘’the Truth’’ is key to our growth. He continuously makes me grow  ( and dance  when listening to Zouk or Kompa J ). I am truly grateful to have him as a life partner.

HIM : I don’t know if the blog can handle my list lol!

No, but seriously, what I love most about my wife is the contrast. Interesting choice of word huh? So now you’re probably wondering what I mean by contrast? She is sensitive and tough, confident and humble, good-humoured and VERY SERIOUS WHEN IT COMES TO WORK. On one hand, my wife can spend hours shopping in a women’s store in Brooklyn (true story lol) and on the other hand she can spend the afternoon playing basket ball; I guess that’s a guy’s best dream huh lol. Though her appearance might misguide some into thinking she is self centered or materialistic, she is quite the opposite. Humble, down to earth, reflective and considerate, she cares little for superficial things and continuously seeks authentic moments of laughter with family and friends. Consistently, offering her help to others, she is genuinely a caring human being. I love the idea of knowing that no matter what happens, she’ll be there and have my back. I love that I can share all my passions and interest with a woman that cares equally about them. All that being said, I think I would say that what I love the most about my wife is her spirit, because it encompasses her laughter, her unwavering support, her values, her spirituality and her “joie de vivre”.

# What is your favorite dating memory and how did it influence your relationship?

Family Holiday gatherings! For the past 5 years, we’ve consistently united both our families for the holidays. Every year, we cook, eat, laugh and dance together as a family. These precious moments, consciously and unconsciously, shaped us as a couple and united our families. Growing up in a Haitian household, we both have strong Haitian values.  As family is a vital part of our lives, we saw in these moments how seamlessly our worlds could merge together. These moments created bonds that continue to grow everyday.

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# How did you know you two were ready to spend the rest of your lives together?

HER : Since the very beginning, I knew we had something special. Through the ups and downs he was there for me, always! He treated my family like his own and that was very important to me.  I knew we were ready to spend the rest of our lives when we started talking about it.

HIM : We knew we were ready to spend the rest of our lives together when we both felt as though we didn’t want to live without each other.

For me, that moment came when I was able to accept her in her entirety ; the good, the bad and the ugly. In other words, when I was able to realize that the idea of  “the perfect woman” was a fallacy. That moment came when I was able to let go of this idea of perfection. Nobody is perfect, including myself! With this frame of mind, I was able to fully appreciate the greatness of the woman in front of me.

# What does marriage mean to you?

It means 1 +1 =1. Although we are two, through our union, we become one unit, one team or  one united family, so to speak. Through marriage, we have committed to love each other, to support each other and to complete each other through the storms.

wedding-pictures# To HER : How did you feel while walking down the aisle ?

I felt at peace and confident about sharing the rest of my life with my best friend. I knew I was in the right place, I was comfortable, surrounded by our family and friends.

 # To HIM : What was on your mind when you saw her walking down the aisle ?

When I saw her walking down the aisle I thought : Wow, she is so beautiful!…. Man this is really happening,….oh shoot … don’t cry lol… I held back my tears for as long as I could, but in that moment, very few words could describe the emotions that ran through my heart. I guess I could describe them as joy, happiness and gratefulness.

# You’ve been married for more than a year now. What do you love the most about being married and what is the hardest element to deal with?

What we like most about being married is the support we give each other and the ability to share many of our waking moments together. We decided to officially live together, after being married (une chance lol). Living together puts tremendous pressure on a couple. Its one thing to go over to your girlfriend or boyfriend’s place and then leave but it’s totally different thing when “staying over” becomes permanent.

Perhaps the hardest adjustment has been learning to live with each other and accept our differences. We have different ways of doing and managing things. This requires constant work, negotiation, respect and compromise.

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# If you could give one wise advice to any couple reading this interview, what would it be?

Here are two: (1) This one is probably the most important: accept somebody as they are, assuming they’ll never change.

(2) There’s a saying that goes: Perfection is to human kind, as the moon is to a sailor; both help to guide us, all while knowing we’ll never attain them. In other words; Allow your ideas of perfection to guide you but don’t let them determine what your looking for in a partner. Do not let perfection be the enemy of the possible. We are all complex and imperfect human beings. It is not a question of being complacent, but it’s more so about holding onto your essential values, all while letting go of the things that don’t matter in the long run. Focus on your most authentic NEEDS and let go of your WANTS. This practice helps to travel lightly in this journey called life.

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A little extra for you ..

#To HIM : What do you think about the image of black women broadcasted in the media?

Firstly, I believe the image of black women broadcasted in the media is rarely controlled by black people. Therefore, the image that’s portrayed in the media is often tainted by stereotypes and misconstrued views of  black women. However, black women in the media often choose to “whiten”  their image in  the likeness of Caucasian women (i.e.:  straight hair, skin lightening, colored eye contacts, etc.). I believe this is a reflection of an inferiority complex, within the black community, which stems from centuries of discrimination,  racism and prejudice. Nevertheless,  there is a promising movement of black women around the world who are embracing their identity as “ black ” women.

#To HER : 

The hashtag #blackgirlmagic.., What does it mean to you?

The acknowledgement of beauty, strength and determination of black women, the ability to persevere despite adversity and the promotion of women of color around the world!

If you were to give a TODO-List to the next generation of black women,what would be in your TOP 5

1- always seek higher education

2- have a sense of togetherness amongst black women. To support each other.

3- be determined and to fight when the system is unfair

4- be proud of their heritage!

5- be role models for their future generation  🙂

 

Thank you !

Fama

Fama

Founder and Editor in Chief

I'm a thirty something years-old woman trying to inspire other women and get inspired myself.

  • Josée Renaud Seck

    Merci dieureudieuf de nous offrir ce beau témoignage de nos amours.